"Ganesh, I must speak with you. I've devised a project that will help me spur up some customers, but I need your help."
"Surely, Vyasa, you know I will assist you in any task. What is it you wish to do?"
"As a wandering sage, my only purpose is to give aid and spread wisdom and all that, but I can only do so when others come to seek my help. As such, I've decided that my reputation and fame could use a boost." Vyasa smiled, his eyes glimmering with pride at his new idea. "I'm going to write a new version of the Mahabharata!"
Ganesh cocked his elephantine head to the side."Vyasa, I do not think I follow. You mean to say your retelling will surpass all the others and that it will garner you fame? You're going to change the story as it was told by Draupadi, Arjuna, and the god Shiva himself?"
"No, no, nothing like that. If anything my version will be as close to the other versions as possible, but with one key difference. I'm going to be one of the main characters, helping all the others, and explaining things about the gods, and just generally being old and smart and so on. When everyone sees how wise and virtuous I was in the Mahabharata, I won't stop having people to help!"
Ganesh couldn't suppress his laughter."Vyasa, be serious! You're going to try to pass off a new version of the Mahabharata with you as a main character? Who will you claim wrote the whole thing, yourself?"
"That's an excellent idea!" Vyasa clapped his hands in approval, his head already full of excitement. "I'll say I'm the original author, and I preceded all the others. Then I will also be praised for my abilities as a storyteller! All good wandering sages are skilled storytellers."
Ganesh shook his head in disbelief, "Vyasa, don't be ridiculous. No one will take it seriously. You're essentially trying to pass off your fan-fiction as historical fact."
"No, Ganesh, you misunderstand me. I'm going to tell you the new story and you'll to write it down and distribute it among the people. Everyone knows gods don't lie or spread false advertising. If all goes well, then my version will become the new standard!"
Ganesh sighed in frustration, but he gave in to the soft spot he held for Vyasa."Fine, I'll do this for you. But we have to do this all in one sitting; I have an appointment with another client this evening. How do you want to start?"
"Let's keep the beginning mostly the same, but we'll say I'm the one that actually fathered Pandu, Dhritarashtra, and Vidura, thanks to my prodigious virility. After that, I was thinking we could change..."
"Let's keep the beginning mostly the same, but we'll say I'm the one that actually fathered Pandu, Dhritarashtra, and Vidura, thanks to my prodigious virility. After that, I was thinking we could change..."
 |
| The wise and virtuous Vyasa; Source: wikimedia |
Author's
Note: This is a retelling of the very first part of the Mahabharata by R.K. Narayan (1978). This version opens
with a brief introduction talking about the process of Vyasa telling Ganesh the
whole story. The fact that they had to set conditions about the dictation
really reminds me of a business transaction, so I thought it would be
interesting to portray it as a manager/client relationship. I really like the
general idea of a story-within-a-story framework, and the character of Vyasa is
interesting for his dual roles in the story. He reminds me a bit of Alfred
Hitchcock in that he has a cameo in his works. I tried to imagine why he would
want to tell a story like this, and that's how I came up with the idea I had
for this story. Some of the things he does are a bit over the top (sleeping
with the three women and cursing the sons of the two queens just because they
closed their eyes or got pale) and it seemed that he had a much stronger ego
than other wisemen we've talked about. The image I’m using for this story is a
simple picture of Vyasa. I feel like it shows him as the prototypical yogi one
might imagine.
To start off, I like the way you opened your storybook. It is a very appealing and refreshing way to do so. Also, I liked that you kept the characters names the same, but you have interpreted the story to make the context of which more relatable to the modern day reader * Referring to Ganesha as a manager... brilliant! You did a good job explaining a somewhat complex theme. I was a little confused when I first started reading the Mahabharata. I think you did a good job both explaining and retelling the story. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteGreat hook at the beginning, Jacob! I laughed out loud (literally, not just the internet kind) at some of the parts in your story, so great use of humor! I like how you almost set up a story within a story....within a story. Clever! This is a really high level retelling, which is cool! I feel like you took an interesting part of the story that could be pretty easily overlooked and made it a much larger part of everything. Well done overall!
ReplyDeleteI loved this story! You immediately got me interested in the beginning of the story, and I kept wanting to read more as I went on. I like how you made the story a little more fun and even humorous. I felt like the readings this week were not quite as entertaining as they have been, so I thought you did a good job of spicing the story up a bit.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your storytelling. I think it was a unique way to interpret the story. I liked the modern-day feel that you gave the story also. I think that the format you used, with the short paragraphs and dialogue in between, really made the story flow well and it was easy to read. Overall, I think that you did a really good job.
ReplyDeleteJacob, this is a great retelling of the Mahabharata’s introduction. I found myself chuckling as I read this. The way you portray Vyasa is so different from my expectations that it was very humorous. Combined with your author’s note, I thought your story also challenged my conceptions about Vyasa. Additionally, the way you use dialogue seems very natural. Almost the entire story is comprised of dialogue, and I felt like using dialogue conveyed the situation very effectively. I think I’d get bored as a sage too. You set up Vyasa’s motivation in a convincing yet comical manner. In your sentence “Because he was a divine being and was capable of doing so, he showed up instantly,” you can get rid of the “and.” Just say, “Because he was a divine being and was capable of doing so.” I was also briefly confused whom you were referring to here. Maybe replace the pronoun with “Ganesh” since you also refer to Vyasa in the previous sentence. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this retelling of the beginning of the Mahabharata. The opening to the story was well done it drew me in. I like how you had the god Ganesh become his manager and had the reason that Vyasa was retelling the Mahabharata was because he was bored because business was slow. The interactions between Vyasa and Ganesh were also well done. The conversation between the two flowed very well and it did not feel rushed. The text itself was well organized and I liked how the paragraphs were spaced out it made it easier to read. The text was also very descriptive. One thing that I would change is that some of the conversation does not have who said it. The conversation is still easy to follow because of how it is broken into paragraphs but you can put tones into the conversation if you add who says what. Overall this paper was well written and I look forward to your future writings.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a creative story! I laughed out loud reading the first paragraph when Vyasa says he’s, “been in the wandering sage game for a while”. It’s so comical to me to picture these old historic epic characters with a more modern attitude. I think doing this can make the characters more relatable to the audience. I also like the descriptions of Vyasa’s motives, especially through his dialogue with Ganesh. Not only does he want to make himself a part of the story, but he also wants to take the credit for the story itself! The format of the piece is easy to follow. I think it was a good idea to put the picture at the end of the story- putting it in the middle of all of the dialogue would have created a confusing break in the page. Your talent as a writer is evident not only in your creativity, but also in the mechanics of your work. I look forward to reading more of your portfolio as the semester progresses!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved this story! The way you started it, the dialogue, the ending, all perfect! This was such a creative take on the story and the way Vyasa came to be the author of the Mahabharata. I love how your dialogue was a mixture of formal and slightly informal. It made the story seem slightly more modern, but true to the classic story. The fact that Vyasa is writing himself into the Mahabharata to boost his fame made me laugh and overall it was just such an interesting story. The way you formatted the story made it easy to follow and your text was descriptive and your dialogue felt very natural. It followed the rhythm of a conversation, if that makes sense. I also love the way you characterized Ganesh and Vyasa. Their relationship felt real and the way you played out their interactions felt true to their interactions in the epic, even though they are quite different. This was a very well-written story and I look forward to reading more! Good job!
ReplyDeleteYou have great comical dialogue. Not just in this story but in most that I have read throughout the semester. It’s upbeat and sarcastic at the same time. You brought something different and unique to your version of the Mahabharata with your comedic point of view. I loved how you pointed out that Vyasa wanting to retell the story was a mechanism for him to feed his ego. As I mentioned in another classmate’s storybook, sages are a rather curious people. They are holy men with special powers, but they are often using their powers to inflict curses upon those who don’t respect them properly or to demonstrate their ego in magnificent ways. I thought it was great how you pictured Ganesh to be compliant in helping Vyasa retell the story, but in a way that you can tell Ganesh is gritting his teeth and dragging his heels the entire time doing so.
ReplyDelete